Sybil held a daisy in her hand and without thinking, she said, “I’m pulling petal by petal off the stem. I am in love yet no one loves me. I want to be loved but where is my love?” Slowly she looked at the ground covered with daisy petals. In her hand was the stem with one petal remaining. With that last petal came her question of the day. What is love?
Looking around at the assortment of flowers in the park, she realized her question spawned more questions. Was love real or just an illusion? And if love was just an illusion, was she chasing an elusive dream. Sybil continued the path and watched the lovers in the park. She wanted to stop and ask if they could explain love to her. She knew at times what she thought was love was a feeling of joy that overwhelmed her when someone or something great came her way. Thinking out loud, she uttered, “Just what have I meant when I said I love you to someone?”
She thought of all the people in her life, past, and present. There were feelings for them, many times she had called those feelings of love but was it really love? Love is a mystery that we must live into, she thought. But it is a mystery that is easily explained or understood. Feelings come and go. What does that say about love? Does love come and go as well.
Sybil watched a couple with their toddler, Yes that had been her dream. She laughed. The line from a movie came crashing on her. ‘Give up your dream, you die.’ She continued to watch the toddler go back forth between his parents. They had chased the elusive dream of love.
Further on her walk, she watched a couple that seemed to be arguing. Where is the love with this couple? Have they lost their way in the chase of what we call love? Or had the love so overwhelmed them, that they lost themselves. Sybil reached back for the many books she had read on the subject of love. Love is to be unconditional. At the end of the dream is love. What about the journey, which is the chase?
A song says, “Love will keep us alive.” A wonderful thought. But of course, we have to find and be found by love first. Sybil sat on the park bench and pulled out her pad. She kept the pad for days like this when the thoughts were plenty, and she wanted to remember them later. She wrote: ‘So, what’s the first step? Do I love me? If I don’t love me, how can I love anyone else or anyone loves me?’
For the first time that day the questions were troubling, and Sybil could not answer those questions truthfully. What did she do daily that said she loved herself? In her position as a caregiver, if she was not taking care of herself, how could she take care of others.
As she sat, an older couple came and sat at the end of the bench. She was amazed as they sat quietly taking in the sights and sounds of the park while holding hands. “I want someone to hold my hand and share this journey we call life.” A chuckle brought her back to the park. “Little lady,” the older man said, “start by holding your own hand.” Shocked Sybil now knew she had said that out loud. More embarrassed than anything, she nodded to the couple. The older woman not to be outdone said, “He’s right, the person you need will only come when you do not need anyone.” “That does not make sense,” Sybil replied.
The woman smiled and said. “When we are so busy looking for love, we miss the love that is already with us. When we love ourselves, then others will love us as well.” “Can you explain love to me?” Sybil asked the couple. They both laughed. ‘Sorry,” the man said, “love cannot be explained, it has to be felt.” “But I feel like I am chasing an elusive dream,” Sybil said.
Sybil looked at the couple, There was a glow and a radiance about them. “How long have you been together?” She asked. “We were together many years ago, but did not understand how to love ourselves, so we went our separate ways, now after thirty years apart, we found each other again.” The woman looked lovingly at the man. “We were chasing that illusion you speak of without seeing the dream within ourselves. Stop chasing and let the dream chase you.” With that, the couple got up and walked away.
Sybil looked again at the one petal on the stem. The lone petal represented her life, and it was time to start the journey into loving herself. She knew without the questions and the honest sharing she will never be found by love.
Kahlil Gibran in ‘The Prophet’ speaks on love and reminds us that we have to be open to love, recognizing that it cuts to our very core but does not leave us bare. As she had stripped the daisy of the petals, there was one left standing, and it was not bare.
Sybil pressed the remaining petal in her hand. “We will always be chasing the elusive dream because we are the dream.”
Copyright © 2019 Ivy Jade