Month: February 2019

Growing up in Miami, Lila Richards had never come over to Miami Beach. So why did she feel drawn to this area? This entire trip home was beginning to feel like the twilight zone. In the midst of opening her gallery, there was this call to come home. Actually, it was more like a wake-up call.

Now this walk along the beach felt like she had been here before. She felt a presence before she saw the man. On the patio, a pair of eyes seem to follow her every step. The closer she got to the beach house, she faltered. Why does he look familiar? She had never been on this beach before, and she hadn’t lived in Miami in over 40 years.

She looked up and smiled as she continued to walk past the patio. She didn’t bother to look again, so she didn’t know if the man smiled or just continued to stare. Did he not see black people on this stretch of the beach? She looked down at her clothing. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Her t-shirt and her shorts were not too tight. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her sandals were new. She had had a pedicure the day before, so she knew her toes looked great.

The further she walked down the beach, the less the intense feeling she had encountered earlier. Still deep was the feeling of being watched. Tired of walking, she sat in the sand and took out her tablet. She had come prepared to spend some time close to the water. Even though she had never learned to swim, there was always a draw to be near the water.

She read until she felt her eyes closing. Maybe it was time to head back to the hotel. She didn’t understand why she had been drawn back to her hometown after these years and to this beach today. She had been in the sun too long, and even though her medium brown skin glistened, she could feel the burn. She always forgot to put sunscreen on, since she never stayed out in the sun long.

She packed the towel she had sitting on, along with her tablet back into the small backpack. One more swig of the water from her water bottle, then time to start the walk past that patio.

The closer she got to the beach house, the more intense the feeling of being watched as well as a buzz in her body. She didn’t believe in the old superstitions her family had talked about years ago. But there was definitely something strange happening. Half the distance to the beach house, she saw him come out on the patio. He was now alone. The other man was nowhere in sight.

Lila couldn’t make out what was in his hands until she got close. He stood with a sandwich and a bottle of beer. The least she could do was smile and wave as she passed.

Once again she didn’t think he had smiled back. With his hands full, he didn’t wave back. He just stared. She could tell he was still watching as she continued back to the hotel.

The hotel was a welcome sight. Lila felt the uneasy feeling leave her body the closer she got to the hotel. In the elevator, she shook her body as if shaking the uneasiness away. In her room, she dropped the backpack and headed to the shower. Hoping the water would not only wash the sand away but also the weird feelings that wouldn’t go away. Why was she here?

© 2019 Ivy Jade

“Jacob, where did you just go?”

“Nowhere, I’m still here.”

“Man, I asked you a question minutes ago, and you haven’t flinched. So…where was your mind?” Paul asked.

Not wanting to admit he was thinking about a woman that might just be his imagination, Jacob hesitated in answering. Paul had known him too many years so he would have to come up with something Paul would accept and not push any further.

“I have to decide if it is time to move from here.”

“This has always been home and you more than anyone I know always never wanted to live anywhere else.”

“I know, but there’s an itch to see someplace else.”

“Jacob, I don’t buy that for a moment. The look on your face was not about moving. It was about a person. What gives?”

“Do you believe in ghost?”

“Did you see someone you thought was dead?”

“Something like that. Maybe home is not what it was anymore.”

Paul began to walk away. A quick look over his shoulder at his friend. “No I don’t believe in ghost, and neither do you.” He left Jacob was still holding a bottle of beer that he had never opened.

Long after Paul had left Jacob sat, staring in the direction he had seen her. He didn’t know her name, but everything about her seemed so familiar. He had never dated black girls, and once he was grown, he had been married to the same woman for forty years until she died. So why was this woman taking up so much of his time? Well not his time but occupying space in his mind.

Jacob continued to rack his brain for some piece that spoke to him about her. She walked past, gave him a smile and kept walking. It wasn’t as if she had spoken. So he didn’t know the sound of her voice. Maybe that would have helped him place her.

As he sat, he started down the memory lane of his life. No, he knew she didn’t go to school with him. His elementary, junior high and senior high schools were all-white. Then he had to think about college. As far as he could remember there weren’t any black students at his college. If there were he would have remembered them. He was the big man on campus in those days. He knew everyone or at least everyone knew him.

Then he thought of his work life. Maybe he had seen her in court. There were too many cases in forty years, but something about her said he should remember her. She was unforgettable. Was it her smile, or her walk he asked himself.

His stomach growled. The sound was the reminder he had been sitting for hours and had not eaten. The beer still unopened sat on the table. His body creaked as he stretched and rose from the chair. He had been sitting in one spot too long. That was the horror of getting old. There had been a time he could bounce out of the chair and not feel the aches and pains of his body.

The house was quiet. This was the new norm. No one to nag if he left the door open. Yes, there would be flies inside or maybe a mosquito or two. The kitchen was still a mess from his attempt at breakfast many hours ago. “Yuck, something smells awful in here.” He began to clean the kitchen even as his stomach grumbled and growled.

After washing the dishes and throwing away the food that had been sitting on the counter all day, he made a sandwich. Then he remembers the bottle of beer still on the patio. With his sandwich, he headed back to the patio. A buzz climbed up his spine. It was the same feeling he had had earlier in the day. Then he saw her walking up the beach once again. She smiled and kept walking. Once again she didn’t speak. He watched until he could no longer see her.

Who is she and why does she seem familiar?

© 2019 Ivy Jade

Sybil held a daisy in her hand and without thinking, she said, “I’m pulling petal by petal off the stem. I am in love yet no one loves me. I want to be loved but where is my love?” Slowly she looked at the ground covered with daisy petals. In her hand was the stem with one petal remaining. With that last petal came her question of the day. What is love?

Looking around at the assortment of flowers in the park, she realized her question spawned more questions. Was love real or just an illusion? And if love was just an illusion, was she chasing an elusive dream. Sybil continued the path and watched the lovers in the park. She wanted to stop and ask if they could explain love to her. She knew at times what she thought was love was a feeling of joy that overwhelmed her when someone or something great came her way. Thinking out loud, she uttered, “Just what have I meant when I said I love you to someone?”

She thought of all the people in her life, past, and present. There were feelings for them, many times she had called those feelings of love but was it really love? Love is a mystery that we must live into, she thought. But it is a mystery that is easily explained or understood. Feelings come and go. What does that say about love? Does love come and go as well.

Sybil watched a couple with their toddler, Yes that had been her dream. She laughed. The line from a movie came crashing on her. ‘Give up your dream, you die.’ She continued to watch the toddler go back forth between his parents. They had chased the elusive dream of love.

Further on her walk, she watched a couple that seemed to be arguing. Where is the love with this couple? Have they lost their way in the chase of what we call love? Or had the love so overwhelmed them, that they lost themselves. Sybil reached back for the many books she had read on the subject of love. Love is to be unconditional. At the end of the dream is love. What about the journey, which is the chase?

A song says, “Love will keep us alive.” A wonderful thought. But of course, we have to find and be found by love first. Sybil sat on the park bench and pulled out her pad. She kept the pad for days like this when the thoughts were plenty, and she wanted to remember them later. She wrote: ‘So, what’s the first step? Do I love me? If I don’t love me, how can I love anyone else or anyone loves me?’

For the first time that day the questions were troubling, and Sybil could not answer those questions truthfully. What did she do daily that said she loved herself? In her position as a caregiver, if she was not taking care of herself, how could she take care of others.

As she sat, an older couple came and sat at the end of the bench. She was amazed as they sat quietly taking in the sights and sounds of the park while holding hands. “I want someone to hold my hand and share this journey we call life.” A chuckle brought her back to the park. “Little lady,” the older man said, “start by holding your own hand.” Shocked Sybil now knew she had said that out loud. More embarrassed than anything, she nodded to the couple. The older woman not to be outdone said, “He’s right, the person you need will only come when you do not need anyone.” “That does not make sense,” Sybil replied.

The woman smiled and said. “When we are so busy looking for love, we miss the love that is already with us. When we love ourselves, then others will love us as well.” “Can you explain love to me?” Sybil asked the couple. They both laughed. ‘Sorry,” the man said, “love cannot be explained, it has to be felt.” “But I feel like I am chasing an elusive dream,” Sybil said.

Sybil looked at the couple, There was a glow and a radiance about them. “How long have you been together?” She asked. “We were together many years ago, but did not understand how to love ourselves, so we went our separate ways, now after thirty years apart, we found each other again.” The woman looked lovingly at the man. “We were chasing that illusion you speak of without seeing the dream within ourselves. Stop chasing and let the dream chase you.” With that, the couple got up and walked away.

Sybil looked again at the one petal on the stem. The lone petal represented her life, and it was time to start the journey into loving herself. She knew without the questions and the honest sharing she will never be found by love.

Kahlil Gibran in ‘The Prophet’ speaks on love and reminds us that we have to be open to love, recognizing that it cuts to our very core but does not leave us bare. As she had stripped the daisy of the petals, there was one left standing, and it was not bare.

Sybil pressed the remaining petal in her hand. “We will always be chasing the elusive dream because we are the dream.”

Copyright © 2019 Ivy Jade